Do you feel that little wrench in your gut when someone gets what they want (and what you don’t have yet)?
Don’t worry, you are not alone with this. All of us do it. It is very hard to cheer for someone who started out on the same level as you but makes more progress in a shorter amount of time. The real question is, how to make the most out of this feeling and use it to better our lives?
Gut feelings are there for a reason. Period. You are not a bad person if you can’t be truly happy for the success of others. If your best friend is getting their dream job while you struggle in an environment where you are restricted from growth, the bad feeling can be a powerful indicator that you need change. If your friend got engaged or has a baby, while this is your greatest dream yet it hasn’t manifested yet, it is challenging to be 100% happy for them.
Important: this article is NOT about others making you compare yourself to others. If you find yourself comparing yourself to other girls because your partner makes you feel insecure about yourself, you should not that this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others?
Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say. Yet it is so hard to focus on yourself instead of others. How to stop comparing yourself to others and being jealous?
Don’t worry, you are not alone. Everyone compares themselves to others every now and then. They key is to channelize this desire in a way that will help you achieve your own goals and make your own life better. You don’t have to stop comparing yourself to others, you have to stop torturing yourself by comparing yourself to others.
Life often feels like a competition, but at its deepest layer, it isn’t. The first question you should ask yourself is what is that you really want.
If something is meant for you, it will find you. There is no way you can avoid it.
Focusing on yourself is essential to get what you want in life, but others can for sure provide inspiration.
How to Stop Being Jealous?
You don’t have to stop being jealous. Actually, jealousy can be incredibly useful. It can show you what are the things you want for yourself, even those you re perhaps afraid to admit that you want.
When you feel jealous and compare yourself to others, you know that they have something you don’t, but what you want. Use jealousy as a tool to find out what is it what you exactly want. Are you jealous about your friend’s promotion? Does it secretly bother you that they are getting married while you are still looking? Excellent! Now you can know that this is something you want and you can make steps to find out how you want to get it.
Constructive jealousy is something everyone can make use of. There is absolutely no need to deny your negative emotions. Maybe you don’t have to let others know about them, but you definitely need to acknowledge them to yourself. If you ignore them, they won’t go away on their own. You have to find what causes them and work on the root of the problem.
Ask yourself questions like:
- What does this person have that I want and don’t have yet?
- What can I learn from this experience?
- Which actions can help me get there where I want to be?
- Is there a pressure on me to do thing which are not my true desire?
If you keep working on your thought process, you get to a point where you recognize jealousy and almost immediately know what is this feeling trying to tell you. Comparing yourself to others can help you locate your inner blockages and desires.
Becoming the person who you have always wanted to be is a process. It takes time to get to know yourself and work with yourself instead of working against yourself.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Create Your Definition of Success
How to stop comparing yourself to others and being jealous?
Often, when someone else gets what they want is only painful if you also want that thing. At the same time, are you sure this is what you really want? Or what you really want is to be successful?
Let’s say a person you know graduated from college with a degree in their dream field, and this make you feel bad for some reason. If you don’t have a degree yet, or not in this field, you might feel that this is exactly what you would need to be happy. This is when you have to go under the surface. While it can absolutely happen that you indeed need this to be happy, it is often not the real cause of your suffering.
Perhaps what you want is a better job, more money, a more prestigious position, or you want to prove someone in your life wrong.
The most important thing to understand about comparing yourself to others is that we all have our unique path. What is someone’s destiny is none of your business. There is simply no point in comparing yourself to others academically, professionally, in your private life, or in any other way except looking for inspiration.
Of course, you have to be realistic and always ready to grow and become a better version of yourself, but this should not be painful. As the platitude goes, the only person you have to be better than is your past self.
If you found this article helpful, share it with others!